Good news for a Wednesday morning.

Remember when I promised to post some news after my follow-up doctor appointment yesterday? Well, I lied. Everything took way longer than I expected because the office was surprisingly busy and then my stupid vein kept shutting down when the phlebotomist tried to draw six tubes of blood. I was so happy to finally get the hell out of there I didn’t want to think about doctors or drugs or needles for the rest of the day.

In any event, the appointment went well, and I’m pleased to report that I’m not dying of an exotic blood disorder. As soon Dr. Meyrat receives this latest round of lab results she’ll prescribe whatever I need. Apparently what’s causing all this are very low iron and vitamin D levels, a paralyzed thyroid gland (my interpretation) and low hemoglobin and hematocrit ... even though I’ve been assured that I’m NOT suffering from cirrhosis of the liver or sickle cell anemia. Believe it or not, I actually feel quite healthy right now. And a week ago Dr. Meyrat adjusted some of my maintenance meds (discontinued two and started two new ones) and a whole list of annoying long-term side effects disappeared almost overnight. Once I start taking thryoid medication I’ll feel even BETTER.

In other news, does anybody ever watch “Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo? What an idiotic reality show. For those of you who’ve never seen it, Patti owns an L.A.-based matchmaker service for millionaires who can’t find love ... most of them men with abundant personality and grooming issues. Eventually Patti hosts a cocktail reception to introduce each client to a roomful of potential “matches,” which consists of a crowd of eager twentysomethings dressed up like the Real Housewives of Orange County ... usually platinum blondes with spray tans and silicone implants. Every show also includes a scene with Patti in a rage when a client typically picks a bimbo instead of a woman of quality. My thought is, how can he tell the difference? THEY ALL LOOK LIKE CALL GIRLS.

Thank you for reading this.