Glorioski! The next generation of “Dallas” is a juicy, geriatric knockoff.

The more things change, the more they stay the same. And I’ve got two classic examples I’d like to share. First, in the news today cycling champion Lance Armstrong has been charged again with participation in a massive doping conspiracy. Allegations against him began in 1999 with evidence dating back to 1996, and if Armstrong is finally convicted by the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency he could lose all seven Tour de France titles and have to give back a bunch of really cool team tee shirts. He will, however, be allowed to keep his helmet and continue swilling champagne.

Second, the next generation of “Dallas” premiered tonight on TNT, and even though I thought for sure this geriatric knockoff would completely suck, I have to admit that J.R. — he uses a walker! — and a strangely pruny Bobby got me hooked all over again. The obnoxious, uber-rich Ewings are back, and now their demon offspring have weasled into the family’s relentless quest for dough. The new series films lots of great scenic shots in and around town here and they’re also shooting exteriors at Southfork Ranch, which is about 15 miles north of the Howdygram’s nerve center in Mesquite.

The map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) Southfork Ranch, which is actually a lot smaller than it is on TV. For the record, Southfork is real; the Ewings, unfortunately, are not.

Speaking of Howdygram headquarters, we narrowly missed some huge and scary thunderstorms tonight! Although we had about 45 minutes of light but steady rain, most of Dallas and the suburban areas just north and south of Mesquite wound up with baseball-size hail, 60 m.p.h. straight-line winds and torrential rainfall. Casualties included all the skylights at North Park Mall (the snootiest mall in Dallas), the glass lily pad sculptures at the Dallas Arboretum and two or three billion trees and car windshields all over town. Check out the video clip below.



Thank you for reading this. It’s bedtime.