Happy birthday, Sam!

Good morning and howdy from Texas! Excuse me for a few minutes while my cane and I attempt a couple of handsprings to celebrate the following two momentous occasions: 1) Sam’s 53rd birthday (today); and 2) the Supreme Court’s decision (yesterday) to uphold Obamacare.

Thank you for your patience. Please call 911.

And now, an apology. It took me a little longer than expected to get back into my usual Howdygram routine due to the typical assortment of back-from-vacation baloney, such as: 1) following up an overcharge from the Hyatt Place in Nashville; 2) how did I end up with a rash in my left armpit; 3) figuring out which post office held our mail; 4) contacting Amazon so I can return the lousy insulin travel wallet that tried to kill me in Corinth, Tennessee; and 5) why the hell did AT&T decide to add $32.35 to our June bill for no reason whatsoever. Details concerning items 4 and 5 appear below for your possible interest.

Regarding the lousy insulin travel wallet pictured above, this useless contraption is advertised online with phrases like “refrigeration not needed,” “keeps insulin safe without the need for refrigeration” and “lasts four times longer than an ice pack.” In a word, this is horseshit. I followed instructions to the letter and all of my insulin got ruined. By the time we got to Corinth, Tennessee, I had to throw out four brand new insulin pens, find the closest Wal-Mart and grovel for a prescription refill, buy an Igloo cooler and then keep it filled with ice from assorted motels in three states. A few minutes ago I read some fine print on the manufacturer’s website, where they claim their travel wallet will only maintain the temperature of insulin at 79°. That’s a far cry from “refrigeration not needed” and “lasts four times longer than an ice pack,” since unopened insulin has to be stored at 46°. The Howdygram would like to thank Amazon for agreeing to a full refund with free return shipping.

Where AT&T is concerned, apparently a number of “promotional discounts,” which I never knew I had, expired this month, so the Einsteins at AT&T just went ahead and started charging full price for everything, including the complimentary Internet upgrade they offered me back in April. I seriously despise these people.

Our road trip retrospective begins with my next post, so come back soon, okay?