Nothing I do has ever been worth $120 an hour to anybody.

First, please accept my apology for not writing posts for the last couple of days. I didn’t intend to ignore you; it just happened. I guess I was preoccupied with other crap, although at this point I honestly can’t remember what that other crap might have been. It’s hell getting old.

My Mac technician finally showed up today to install the latest operating system and sync our computers with our new iPad. This turned out to take a lot longer and cost a lot more money than I’d planned, leading me to conclude that I’ve been in the wrong business all these years because nothing I do has ever been worth $120 an hour to anybody. After shelling out $360 for three hours of labor, during which Betty talked about her mother and juggled an endless flurry of incoming calls on her cell phone, I am proud to announce that emails now show up on our iPad. I promise to let you know if it was worth the money as soon as I get over the shock.

For your possible interest I’m pleased to offer yet another installment of our popular Holy Crap Gallery, this time featuring three former cutie-pies who haven’t had much luck with their aging genes. I think Kathleen Turner and Linda Ronstadt are the scariest of the bunch.

Incidentally, Sam and I had a swell and profitable junket yesterday to the Choctaw Casino in Oklahoma! Following an okay lunch with sugar-free pie, I hauled in GREAT BIG WINS (more than $60) on a couple of new penny slots and then Sam hit a jackpot on the best slot machine God ever invented, the Cash Wizard (see below), after which we bailed out immediately and drove back to Texas so we wouldn’t be tempted the blow the money.

This week we’re busy tending to a lot of essential baloney as we get ready for our big ROAD TRIP, such as prescription refills, getting a new pair of jeans shortened, figuring out which shoes to pack and selecting obscure towns to stop for lunch on the way to wherever we’re going. A map of our travel route appears below.

Indicated here are: 1) Howdygram headquarters, our starting point; 2) Vicksburg, Mississippi, where we’ll visit a huge Civil War battlefield, a great museum and several riverboat casinos; 3) another Civil War battlefield in Shiloh, Tennessee; 4) Nashville and the Grand Ole Opry; and 5) the Clinton Presidential Library in Little Rock, Arkansas. Also on our schedule is a visit to Monroe, Louisiana, located on the map between points 1 and 2, where my father was stationed in 1943 for basic training in the Army Air Corps. Apparently the only remaining building on base has been turned into a World War II museum and I’m feeling compelled to check it out. I even have a fantasy that I’ll find a photo of dad on the wall. No kidding.

I’d better get myself ready for bed. Tomorrow Sam and I want to road-test our new Garmin GPS (delivered from Amazon earlier today) and visit the Dallas Farmer’s Market.

As you can see, this is NOT the kind of farmer’s market that sets up in a parking lot once or twice a month. It’s a permanent complex of buildings with indoor vendor stalls and restaurants that’s open every day of the year except Christmas and Thanksgiving. Sam and I haven’t been there before, so stay tuned for an in-depth review. I apologize in advance if you’re convinced this will be boring.

Shalom, y’all.