And now, a quick Olympics recap.

It was a busy weekend in Vancouver. In case you haven’t been paying attention, your remote Howdygram reporter (me) is pleased to offer a brief overview of Saturday and Sunday’s highlights. For starters, Bode Miller won gold for the U.S. in the Men’s Super Combined (downhill skiing and slalom), the U.S. hockey team creamed Canada, Apolo Ohno took bronze in 1,000-meter Short Track Speedskating, and lots of uncoordinated athletes fell down mountains, landed on their butts and crashed their bobsleds. The Men’s 30km Pursuit cross-country race was particularly fun to watch because it was 55°, the course was a pile of slush and the skiiers were all waddling around like they had a pantload. Marcus Hellner from Sweden won the gold.

And then we get to ice dancing, an Olympic event that’s really deteriorated over the years. They started out on Saturday with every couple doing the same damn dance one at a time, which is so boring you’d have a better time watching your eyebrows grow. (The judges may need to see this, but WE sure don’t.) The next day all the couples came back to do their own version of a national folk dance from any country on the planet. Fair enough. But the Russian dancers decided to interpret Australian Aborginals and showed up in red loincloths with shrubs glued to their skates. They looked like a pair of idiots.

Halfway into their stupid routine (which included pulling each other’s hair) I prayed for another couple like Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean, who won gold skating to Ravel’s Bolero at the 1984 Olympics in Sarajevo. Torvill and Dean scored a perfect 6.0 from every judge; nobody’s ever matched them since. Here’s the video:


Of course, one Olympic event that always stirs the soul is CURLING ... an exhilarating game for physically-challenged and socially inept men that’s basically shuffleboard on ice played with crockpots and brooms. The Norweigans (pictured below) like to dress up in clown pants.