Please give these people a real job.

The Howdygram is convinced this would be a perfect story for Mad Magazine. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, the iconic American hotdog is a danger to children ... and NOT because it’s cheap processed meat stuffed with frightening chemicals and preservatives. In a recent policy statement the group said choking on hotdogs “poses an important and relatively underaddressed problem for U.S. children,” especially those ages three and younger. They’re asking the FDA to insist that hotdog manufacturers include a warning label on its packaging and (ready for this?) REDESIGN THEIR PRODUCT TO PREVENT CHOKING. In addition to hotdogs, the AAP’s report also cited hard candy, peanuts, grapes, raw carrots, apples, popcorn, peanut butter, marshmallows and gum.

Redesign hotdogs? Seriously? Where will we ever find buns for hotdogs shaped like trapezoids? And who’s going to redesign grapes and carrots — God? What a bunch of Einsteins. If the AAP is so concerned about choking hazards maybe they should ask parents to choose from two directives: 1) puree everything until your kid is 18 years old; or 2) chop his food into teeny pieces and then (surprise!) SUPERVISE HIM WHILE HE EATS. Thank you for reading this.