This is almost like being drunk.

I once read an article that said severe fatigue will make you behave like you’re intoxicated. Know what? I’m here to tell you that’s pretty damn accurate. I haven’t slept in almost 24 hours and anybody who walked into my house right about now would think I just polished off a bottle of Bailey’s Irish Cream. If I can get a few neurons to function I’ll tell you how I got into this mess.

Sam worked a lot of hours yesterday. His normal schedule is 2 to 10 p.m., but he was really busy last night at the office with a lot of client hoo-hah and didn’t actually get home until 5 this morning. I don’t sleep when Sam works that late because I keep opening one eye to look at the clock, so I’m in bed but wide awake when he walks in at 5 a.m. And then I can’t get comfortable because my carpal tunnel hand is killing me, so I decide to get up for a while. I go to the bathroom. There’s a giant mosquito thing flying around so I yell for Sam to come kill it for me.

I take some pain medication for my hand and sit at the computer reading my favorite news websites. Then I decide I’m hungry and end up in the kitchen eating American cheese. At 7:15 I finally decide to try going back to bed. This works for about an hour ... until someone rings the front doorbell three times and starts pounding on the door. In a stupor Sam and I both get up and discover it’s FedEx delivering my replacement Epson printer (see yesterday’s post). Swell. Sam signs for the package and goes straight back to bed; I’m wide awake again and end up in the family room watching a creepy British movie from 1933 called “Cavalcade.” I’m so tired I’ve got double vision but my hand still hurts and I can’t fall asleep.

I won’t bore you with too many additional details at this point except to tell you it’s now 4:45 in the afternoon, Sam went back to work two hours ago, and I still haven’t had 10 minutes of sleep. As soon as I finish this post it’s my plan to make some popcorn and lie down on the couch. Either that or I’ll try out for the female lead in “Night of the Living Dead.” Thank you for reading this.