Crap happens when you least expect it.

First, a quick medical report. MY RIGHT HAND IS KILLING ME. To be honest with you, I always believed carpal tunnel syndrome was a bogus health issue invented by people who manufactured ergonomic mouse pads and wrist braces. Never in a million years did I ever think this was a genuine physical condition that involved real pain. Boy, was I ever WRONG. I’ve been through a lot of crap in my life, like major surgeries, uterine cancer, endometriosis, plantar fasciitis, arthritis and four decades of increasingly serious dental emergencies, and the pain of carpal tunnel syndrome ranks right up there with the worst of it. I CAN’T USE MY RIGHT HAND, which means I also can’t grip the steering wheel in my car, push a shopping cart, lift a fork or spoon, blow-dry or brush my hair, type, move my mouse, hold a pen or hook my bra. I wear a wrist brace 24/7 except when I’m in the shower and try to do some dinky flexibility exercises two or three times a day. The exercises don’t seem to be working. NOTHING seems to be working. I see the doctor again on April 13, so stay tuned.

In other news, my Epson inkjet printer is broken. On Thursday I started getting an error message saying the paper tray is inserted incorrectly, but I know that’s crap because there’s only one way to insert the stupid tray and it doesn’t exactly take a brain surgeon to figure it out. So nothing is printing. This is really a shame for two key reasons: 1) the printer is less than a year old; and 2) it’s still under warranty but WE CAN’T FIND THE RECEIPT FROM FRY’S. Sam and I tore the place apart this morning with no luck. And I’d be willing to bet that repairs would cost more than a new printer. I’m calling Epson’s customer support center on Monday to find out if they have my warranty on file. PLEASE CROSS YOUR TOES AND FINGERS.

Tiger Woods returns to the PGA Tour next week. Let’s hear a gigantic YAY ... all together now! Tiger is playing in the Masters Tournament at Augusta National and the first round starts on April 8. Golf hasn’t been the same without him, and I will be glued to my TV. Anybody who’s interested in watching with me should send an email to reserve a spot on the sofa. Refreshments will be served, but I don’t have any cookies in the house so if you want some please BYO. Thank you.