Marie Osmond is trapped in a time warp.

I’ve got nothing against this woman personally, you understand, but I’m suffering from Marie Osmond overkill.

First, you can’t turn on the TV without seeing Marie Osmond’s face. If she’s not promoting NutriSystem or her latest book, she’s on “Dancing with the Stars,” appearing on “Oprah, “Today,” “The View,” “Good Morning America,” “Ellen” and “Letterman” to talk about post-partum depression, her weight loss or her son’s suicide (and — what a coincidence! — also to plug her show at the Flamingo Hotel in Las Vegas) then she’s taking up space on QVC selling Marie Osmond makeup, Marie Osmond costume jewelry and her overpriced line of Marie Osmond dolls.

Second, maybe it’s just me, but Marie looks like she recently graduated with honors from the Drag Queen Institute of Fashion and Design, which is I believe is headquartered in Provo, Utah. I’d also comment on the fact that her teeth are too big, but big teeth run in her family. (The Osmonds ALL have big teeth.)

In other news, we’re suffocating here in Dallas this summer, and today is our 18th consecutive day with triple-digit temperates and a heat/humidity index near 110. You absolutely, positively do NOT want to go outside for any reason unless you run out of Coke Zero or your dog has to pee. Thank you for reading this.