I'm really, really sorry. Seriously.

It’s been FIVE DAYS since my last post. The reality of this is thoroughly disturbing — well, to ME, anyway — but I’ve got three excellent excuses that I will share with you here.

Excuse #1. It’s been a crazy week for me with lots of client projects, including a six-page website design that was so intense I almost forgot to eat. I’ll let you know when it’s online so you can take a look.

Excuse #2. My ever-expanding list of meds and some new doses have been screwing up my digestion and I just don’t feel like writing — or being funny — when my stomach is a wreck. I’m noticing some improvement, however, and hope to take Tropical Fruit Tums off the menu here shortly.

Incidentally, I’ve discovered that a couple of banana-flavored Tums can be a fabulous summer dessert but I don’t recommend serving this to guests without Cool Whip.

Excuse #3. I don’t know about YOU, but I’ve been extremely freaked out by the verdict in the Casey Anthony trial. I suppose the only positive about this outcome is that, at 25 years old, Casey’s entire life is basically in the toilet and her popularity is 50 rungs lower than Joran Van der Sloot’s — and in my book he was already at the bottom of the heap. Casey is a train wreck waiting to happen, and with any luck she’ll be hounded by the press everywhere she goes for the next seven decades. Oy, don’t get me started on this again.

We’re FRYING around here. The temperature yesterday hit 104° and we’re not expecting anything below triple-digits for the entire month of July. (And August won’t be much better.) We’ve already passed our average annual number of triple-digit days and the next chance for rain is a 20% possibility on July 17. A copy of our 10-day forecast from Weather.com appears below in case you think I’m making this up.

It’s too hot to park at the mall, too hot to walk a dog, too hot to grill burgers on the patio and way too hot to buy ice cream sandwiches at Tom Thumb and drive them home in the trunk of your car. Your only hope is strapping them into the front seat and aiming the AC at them. I wouldn’t joke about this.

Time to hit the sack at last because it’s almost 3:30 in the morning and I’m feeling a little cross-eyed. Send some cool weather if you have any extra lying around and thank you for reading this.