Some days you just can’t get a decent nap.

I’ve been fantasizing about a juicy, uninterrupted nap since before breakfast. I need one, and I need it bad. This was primarily due to the fact that I had a very crappy night’s sleep but couldn’t go back to bed this morning because my maid service was here running from room to room with buckets and a vacuum cleaner, and by the time they were done at 1:00 I had to make lunch for Sam and me. When Sam left for work at 2:30 I was half-unconscious but the nap gods were against me.

My first big mistake was turning the TV to “The People’s Court,” because it was a GREAT SHOW with feuding ex-friends counter-suing each other for their delinquent children’s bail money, a house painter who walked off the job but refused to return his client’s deposit, and a jerky guy who scammed a kid by selling him a crap motorcycle through a deceptive ad on Craig’s List. I’m stretched out on the couch with my favorite blanket but can’t stop watching all these screaming sleazeballs waving receipts at each other. When the show ends at 4:00 I figure I can finally get some sleep ... except all of a sudden the weather outside turns into a scene from Key Largo and I find out we’ve got a TORNADO WARNING with a chance for 70 m.p.h. wind and quarter-size hail. So now I’m sitting bolt upright, staring out the window and listening to sirens on the Weather Channel.

Bottom line ... you’re always better off watching something boring on TV if you want to take a nap, like the Knitting Channel or just about anything with Gary Cooper in it. Thank you for reading this.