The thrill of victory, the agony of the feet.

So tonight I decided to bite the proverbial bullet and go to Tom Thumb for a pile of groceries ... the hell with my arthritic knees and the pain of plantar fasciitis. I actually started out pretty well, maneuvering up and down the first few aisles without crying and even struck up a brief conversation with a stock clerk at the dairy case about why is lowfat cottage cheese only available in small curd. (She didn’t know. None of them ever know. I’ve been asking for YEARS.)

Unfortunately, by the time I get to canned soup I’m in serious agony. I can’t bend my knees, my heels feel like I’m walking on red-hot spikes and the expression on my face is beginning to scare other customers. I try to finish up the rest of my shopping as fast as I can, but at this point my gait resembles something from Young Frankenstein and I think I’m starting to moan audibly. I finally make it to the front of the store when a passing manager casually says, “Hi! How you are tonight?” so I screech back, “I’M IN PAIN!” ... which must have been mighty convincing because he opened a checkstand just for me and asked two baggers to escort me to my car.

There’s a plus side to all this, however. I bought a new flavor of sugar-free Jello Mousse Pudding, a large container of Sam’s favorite broccoli salad from the deli and ingredients to make a pot of matzo ball soup. Shalom to all of you and have a lovely weekend. I’ll be stretched out on the couch with a bottle of Motrin.