When customer service turns sour.

Yo. Good morning. I need show of hands. Have you ever purchased anything from Schwan’s? I’m asking because my initial frozen food order never showed up yesterday ... even after Schwan’s tried to resolve the scheduling mess described in my post from January 15.

When I spoke to him Friday night, Gary the delivery driver was very friendly and apologetic, promising my food order “first thing Saturday morning.” That was plain enough. I know what “morning” means, but even if I didn’t it’s clearly defined in the dictionary as “the period of time from sunrise to noon.” And I figured “first thing” would narrow that window to sometime before 10 a.m. EXCEPT GARY NEVER SHOWED UP AT ALL.

By 1:30 in the afternoon I could tell Sam was becoming slightly irritated — “I HATE THESE PEOPLE! I DON’T WANT THEIR STINKING FOOD IN MY HOUSE!” — so I finally called Gary’s cell phone to ask where’s my delivery. He says: “I had other things to take care of first. I can be there in ten minutes.” To which I replied, “You know what? CANCEL MY ORDER. I’m done with this.” He was still yelling into the phone, “No! Wait! WAIT! I can be there in FIVE minutes!” when I hung up on him. Then I went to Schwans.com and deleted my order from their system.

The moral of the story ... frozen food can give your husband a heart attack. Thank you for reading this.