A trio of summertime Einstein awards for your possible amusement.

Einstein Award #1. According to an article today on a local news website, a Dallas woman named Jody Einstein wants to warn other shoppers after her purse was stolen in a Tom Thumb parking lot on Sunday. Miss Einstein left her purse on the front seat of her unlocked car while she wheeled a shopping cart back to the store and — in a daring and unexpected criminal endeavor — an observant local yahoo with an SUV snatched the purse and drove away. In her statement to the police, Jody said “it’s very disturbing to know you’re being watched that closely.” Frankly, I think it’s more disturbing that she can’t grasp the stupidity of leaving her purse in an unlocked car.

Einstein Award #2. I just received an email advertisement for a whatnot called the “iBGStar®,” a complicated little electronic doodad for wealthy diabetics that helps you record blood sugar numbers and insulin doses and — in the technology breakthrough of the year — PLUGS INTO YOUR iPHONE. Their slogan? “With iBGStar® your diabetes data goes wherever your mobile device goes.” Seriously, what the hell for? Is diabetes the next big thing in social networking? Are we supposed to tweet this stupid crap to everybody we know? The point of this overpriced yet meaningless device thoroughly escapes me, since diabetics in-the-know, like yours truly, can already get an electronic glucose meter FREE from a physician.

The Howdygram would like to express its thanks to the Einsteins at Sanofi Diabetes for another meaningless scientific innovation. They’re going to find out pretty quickly that diabetics aren’t “tech-savvy” … we’re crabby. Why the hell can’t somebody put this much money and effort into finding a CURE? (An image of the iBGStar® plug-in appears above. Personally, I think it looks like a teeny little rear-view mirror.)

Einstein Award #3. In a seriously lame effort to make its products fun and interesting, the marketing Einsteins at FiltersFast.com, a sleep-inducing website that sells filters in every conceivable brand and size for your furnace, humidifier, swimming pool, washing machine, coffee pot and icemaker, has introduced a new video advertising campaign starring “Béarnard,” a non-animated stuffed bear propped up in a chair who talks about filters without moving his mouth. Mazel tov to FiltersFast.com for a real winner.



A movie and an afternoon nap would be swell right about now. I’m awfully glad you dropped in today. Next time bring a coffee cake.