The Howdygram: The shot put is as big a waste of time as “Dancing with the Stars.”

Saturday, August 4, 2012

The shot put is as big a waste of time as “Dancing with the Stars.”

From our God Bless Texas department, in the event you’re really hard up for entertainment this morning please allow me to share the following video clip of “Whiplash,” the Mesquite Rodeo’s teeniest cowboy. Thank you.

Sam and I decided last night that we hate the shot put. Seriously, this track and field event is even more pointless than the luge, mostly because the latter at least offers the chance of a good crash now and then. The shot put involves an enormous sweaty doofus clutching a lead bowling ball against his neck (which, incidentally, is covered with gymnastics chalk), spinning around in a circle and then heaving the aforementioned bowling ball onto a field full of dents, where official little referees in matching hats run around with tape measures.

Sorry, people, but the Howdygram thinks somebody should terminate this idiotic event permanently. I don’t see how grunting 450-pound men with hairy armpits — such as fashion-forward Reese Hoffa, pictured above — are athletes by any stretch of the imagination, and watching them hurl bowling balls on television is as big a waste of time as “Dancing with the Stars.”

Another Olympic event that needs to go away is the trampoline, because it doesn’t qualify as gymnastics and it’s NOT a competitive sport ... it’s what 10-year-old showoffs do in their back yard. Last night we watched China’s star trampoline hotshot Dong Dong (see below) win gold while his siblings Long and Ding cheered from the stands. Just between us, I don’t understand the expression on Dong Dong’s face. Does bouncing hurt?

And finally, I’ve got some breaking news from the world of greasy snacks! Frito-Lay has a new outsourcing endeavor ... they’re willing to pay the general public a million dollars — you and me! — to invent a NEW FLAVOR COMBINATION for Lay’s potato chips! After giving this lots of thought, probably way more than it deserves, I came up with Marcy's Top Ten: