Introducing the Howdygram’s stimulus package.

The Howdygram has an immediate solution for our sagging economy. If the U.S. government wants to stimulate spending they should just give everybody a free membership to Costco! Even Sam, who’s not a “spender” or a “foodie” to the slightest degree whatsoever, will load a cart with industrial-size containers of incomprehensible crapola even if he’s not hungry. In my case, I practically need a Valium before I go. That’s how much fun it is at Costco! Thank God we only do this every three or four months. This morning we snagged all of the following essentials:

• three pounds of tortellini pasta salad
• a million jumbo cashews
• fresh stuffed bell peppers (tonight’s dinner)
• two gigantic bottles of KC Masterpiece barbecue sauce
• three gigantic bottles of Classico pasta sauce
• Kirkland kitchen trash bags
• a quart-size jar of fresh salsa
• frozen Angus beef hamburgers
• frozen Foster Farms chicken patty things
• frozen beef & bean burritos
• a package of 16 steak & cheese flautas
• three pounds of rotisserie chicken salad
• two pounds of pepper-jack cheese
• a partridge in a pear tree (I might be kidding about this one)

In an effort to be frugal I almost bought four half-pound cans of albacore tuna but changed my mind at the last minute.

For your possible interest the map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite; and B) Costco on Route 205 in Rockwall.

Our Costco is only three years old with a ton of handicapped parking and lots of little electric shopping carts, as pictured below. My cart was so super-charged this morning I did wheelies in frozen foods until Sam asked me to calm down because I was scaring people.

I’d better get dinner started so we can watch the Olympics recap and eat things at the same time. Tonight’s events include: 1) track & field; 2) apparatus finals in women’s gymnastics; 3) springboard diving (wake me when it’s over); and 4) lesbian women’s beach volleyball, where Misty May-Treanor and Kerry Walsh Jennings continue to pretend they’re doing something relevant. Frankly, you’d think two middle-aged women would have found something better to do with their lives by now. I’m just saying.

Thank you for reading this.