Why the Howdygram recommends Cheetos.

The director of the Howdygram’s public service department (okay, just me) feels compelled to provide the following details regarding three substantial product recalls making news today.

1. Dole has recalled 1,039 cases of bagged Italian Blend salads after a random sample tested positive for the Listeria bacteria. The specific product in question has a “use-by” date of August 20 and was distributed in Florida, Alabama, North and South Carolina, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Mississippi and Virginia. Sorry, but I don’t think I’d believe them if I were you.
2. U.S. health officials have identified Chamberlain Farm Produce as one possible source of cantaloupes tied to an outbreak of Typhimurium salmonella that has sickened 178 people in 21 states. Two people have died. Personally, I prefer honeydews. Maybe it’s the color.
3. The American Licorice Company has recalled one-pound packages of Red Vines Black Licorice Twists with a “best before” date of 020413 because the candy was found to contain unacceptably high levels of lead. The California Department of Public Health is warning consumers to toss the contaminated packages. They suggested feeding your children something healthier, such as cantaloupe or a nice fresh salad.

And now you know why the Howdygram recommends Cheetos, which to my knowledge have never been recalled for any reason whatsoever and, as a bonus, will stain your fingers with a good-for-you orange dye that possibly contains dietary fiber and nutrients. (Or maybe not.)

Before I forget ... tomorrow is Irene Dunne day on TCM and I think you should plan to record a few of the following excellent movies. (Times shown are central.) The titles of my all-time favorites appear in red.

• Symphony of Six Million (1932) with Ricardo Cortez; 5 a.m.
• Bachelor Apartment (1931) with Lowell Sherman and Mae Murray; 7 a.m.
• The Secret Of Madame Blanche (1933) with Lionel Atwill; 8:30 a.m.
• The White Cliffs of Dover (1944) with Roddy McDowall, 11 a.m.
• Consolation Marriage (1931) with Pat O’Brien; 12:15 p.m.
• Theodora Goes Wild (1936) with Melvyn Douglas; 1:45 p.m.
• Together Again (1944) with Charles Boyer and Charles Coburn; 3:30 p.m.
• My Favorite Wife (1940) with Cary Grant and Randolph Scott; 5:15 p.m.
• The Awful Truth (1937) with Cary Grant and Ralph Bellamy; 7 p.m.
• A Guy Named Joe (1943) with Spencer Tracy; 8:45 p.m.
• Life With Father (1947) with William Powell; 11 p.m.
• Show Boat (1936) with Allan Jones; 1:15 a.m.
• Never a Dull Moment (1950) with Fred MacMurray; 3:15 a.m.

It may interest you to know that I managed to catch up on my sleep this afternoon. Immediately after Sam left for work at 1:15 I conked out for 2½ hours on the chaise in the family room. I feel so damn good I think I’ll make low-carb pasta for dinner and watch “Project Runway.” Life just doesn’t get any better than this.

Thank you.