Feel like a million bucks in one easy lesson.

There’s nothing quite like a Sunday morning Internet shopping spree to make a girl feel like a million bucks, and today was the mother of them all. I started at The Company Store, where I loaded up on a pile of new towels for the master bath ... all on sale and MONOGRAMMED FOR FREE. My color of choice is “Tarragon” (the middle shade of green in the photo) with a white monogram. I’ve wanted monogrammed towels my whole life and finally feel like a grown-up. It only took 60 years.

Then I get an epiphany. As long as I’m jazzing up the master bath why not jazz up the master bedroom, too, so I decide to hunt around for new decorative pillows for our bed and the sofa in front of the bay windows. But everywhere I look — Macy’s, Crate and Barrel, Pier One, Bed Bath and Beyond — the prices range from they-must-be-crazy to absolutely OUTRAGEOUS. Who on earth besides Donald Trump spends $79.95 for a stupid throw pillow? I finally wind up at Wal-Mart.com and — as always — they’ve got exactly what I want. Their pillows are really cute (see below) and really cheap ($12) and the entire order ships for $2.97.

At this point I’m so damn happy I also decide to order a set of Wal-Mart’s 500 thread-count wrinkle-free sheets in “Olive,” which are posing below.

Please humor me for a minute while I offer an unsolicited Howdygram product recommendation. WAL-MART’S WRINKLE-FREE SHEETS ARE AMAZING. I already have three sets in other colors, and trust me, they really don’t wrinkle and they only cost $59.88 for king size. EVERYBODY NEEDS THESE SHEETS so click here.

I’m going to take a shower now and reheat Friday night’s chicken egg foo young. Pass the soy sauce.