Hot topics for Tuesday.

Sneaky fees. For the most part I don’t whine unless I have to, and today I have to. I’m battling my merchant account provider for deducting $166.69 from my checking account this past weekend without telling me WHY. These yahoos process credit card transactions for my home-based graphic design business and already keep a percentage of every sale, so it makes me CRAZY when I catch their hands in the cookie jar. I know they were hoping I wouldn’t notice, but I did. Sam says I’m a genius, and I believe him.

Wildfires. Apparently a large percentage of Texas is on fire (see map below) as I write this post. Apparently some of these blazes are so huge they’re visible from satellites in space, and the Bastrop fire near Austin has consumed more than 1,000 homes.

Looks like we’re getting ready for the world’s largest barbecue. Instead of firefighters and water, Governor Rick Perry has asked FEMA for an emergency airlift of T-bones and napkins.

Rick Perry, presidential candidate. Thought you might enjoy these two YouTube video clips of Bill Maher discussing Texas’ nutjob governor and his presidential aspirations.

I hope Howdygram readers will NOT be fooled by Governor Perry. Basically he’s just a dumber version of George Bush and a scarier version of Sarah Palin. Oy.

Jerry Lewis Appreciation Day. Yesterday I had a chance to watch The Patsy for the first time, a 1964 Jerry Lewis movie with some of the funniest routines I’ve ever seen. Jerry plays a nobody being groomed for stardom by a group of greedy and ambitious agents. I laughed so hard I nearly passed out from lack of oxygen and had to pause the recording twice until I started breathing again. My four favorite scenes: 1) the singing lesson; 2) at the barber shop; 3) the recording session with the backup singers (see photo below); and 4) lip-synching “I Lost My Heart in a Drive-In Movie.”

Before I went to bed last night I ordered the DVD (used) from Amazon.com for three bucks. YOU HAVE TO BUY THIS MOVIE. Seriously.

I know I say this a lot, but thank you for reading this.