Friday, September 23, 2011

Sorry, pal, you'll get baloney and like it.

No more Mr. Nice Guy. The Texas Department of Criminal Justice has announced it will no longer let death row inmates order extravagant last meals before they’re executed. The decision came after they received a blunt letter on Thursday from state senator John Whitmire, who basically said ENOUGH ALREADY and threatened legislation if the department wouldn’t end this practice voluntarily. He reasoned that it’s damn inappropriate to give such a luxurious privilege to an inmate who’s sentenced to death. Which also happens to be a privilege that the inmate didn’t provide for his victim.
Whitmire’s letter specifically referred to death row inmate Lawrence Brewer, a white supremacist who was executed by lethal injection Wednesday night. The Houston Chronicle reported that Brewer ordered (but didn’t eat) the following last meal, which was technically enough food to feed a middle school:
  • a triple meat bacon cheeseburger
  • a cheese omelet
  • two chicken-fried steaks
  • a large bowl of fried okra
  • three orders of fajitas
  • a pound of barbecue brisket with a half loaf of white bread 
  • a pint of Blue Bell ice cream
The director of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice agreed with Whitmire wholeheartedly and ended the last meal crapola IMMEDIATELY. From now on, on the night before execution death row inmates will eat baloney just like everybody else.

I might also suggest Cici’s pizza, which is actually WORSE than a lethal injection. Thank y’all for reading this.

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