Pass the kleenex.

I really have nothing exciting to write about at daybreak on a quiet Wednesday morning, but since having nothing to say has never stopped me before I thought I’d post something anyway.

Sam is still asleep. I should be, too, except I woke up SNEEZING about 45 minutes ago and figured it was probably fall allergies. Our annual pollen extravaganza is underway in Texas right now. Let me know if you’d like to attend the festivities and I’ll put sheets on the bed in the guest room. Bring your own Sudafed.

The Texas State Fair — nine days and counting! Sam and I didn’t go last year or the year before because I was rendered immobile by a variety of ailments that made it nearly impossible to walk. This year, though, life is much different. Even if I don’t have the stamina to shlep around for HOURS, I should be able to enjoy the State Fair without hailing an ambulance to get home.

The State Fair is a hoot. I think the number one attraction is the FOOD, because in Texas if you can catch it and deep-fry it, it’s perfect for the Fair. And you get extra credit if it’s on a stick. I personally LOVE food on a stick.

Aside from eating there are plenty of other State Fair activities for the entire family, including wine tasting, funnel cakes, dancing Dobermans, storytime for kids, puppet shows, acrobats, parades, racing pigs, bumper cars and celebrity chefs. Do NOT miss the pie judging, your chance to pet a llama, harvest crops for cheese and crackers and spin a wheel for free powdered sugar donuts. You can also visit the State Fair Crapola Buildings (my designation) to shop for every “As Seen On TV” product that’s ever been seen on TV, such as Ginsu knives, Thighmaster exercisers, Ronco vertical chicken rotisseries, electronic litter boxes and Space Bags, all offered for sale by a bunch of hucksters doing their best Billy Mays imitations.

For me, the Crapola Buildings are the best part of the Fair even though Sam has to drag me — and my credit cards — away from every booth. A good sales pitch leaves me limp, sort of like consumer sex.

And on that cheery note I guess I’ll try heading back to bed for a while. Thank you for reading this.