Congress still makes me sick.

It’s 7 a.m. Monday morning. I just woke up and checked the headlines on CNN.com, and guess what: CONGRESS STILL MAKES ME SICK.

As long as I’m ready to hurl this seems like the perfect segue into the latest scoop about national embarrassment Kim Kardashian, who was featured briefly in my last post, and her boyfriend-of-the-week, rapper Kanye West. THEY’RE PREGNANT. Kim’s bimbo mother and siblings are Twittering their joy with frantic abandon, as this guarantees at least nine more months of unending media attention and a big cash heist at the end for baby pictures. I wonder why everybody tends to forget that Kim and her grotesquely-exaggerated assets (pictured at right) are still married to somebody else. Holy crap.

This is certainly no surprise whatsoever, but the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com got it wrong again and our 90% chance of heavy rain has all but disappeared. I’d ask Sam to take me out for dim sum but it’s 39° outside and drizzling, so I’ll make a pot of Five-Minute Stupid Soup instead and start hoping for spring. Lately I’ve been feeling — and walking — like the Tin Man. I’m serious.

Have a nice day, everybody. It’s almost 2013.