Pants don’t just get up and walk out by themselves.

I apologize for not writing a Howdygram post yesterday but I was busy playing with fonts and eating meat loaf. A detailed two-part explanation will follow shortly.

Holy crap. I think I missed the apocalypse! Actually, I forgot all about it until maybe half an hour ago, at which time I checked CNN.com to find out if other people are still alive besides me, and you know what? There are! Below is a photo of Einstein tourists taken yesterday in Bugarach, France, which was cited in ancient Mayan prophecy as the only place on earth that will survive doomsday. I hope these clowns got their money’s worth because we’re all still here. (I love the hats, but I seriously can’t understand why men always need official hats for everything.)

And now for the detailed two-part explanation I promised at the top of this post.

Playing with fonts. Yes, I’m still rebuilding my collection in the wake of Monday’s Big Font Disaster. Pictured below are several of my latest acquisitions for your possible interest. I especially love Fedra Condensed and Charon but don’t ask me to explain this.

Eating meat loaf. I made a meat loaf yesterday for the first time in years because meat loaf as a rule is loaded with carbs (from bread crumbs) and not a healthy option for diabetics who give a crap about their blood sugar numbers. However ... the geniuses at Netrition.com sell an awesome low-carb meat loaf mix that should run for mayor of Diabetesland. THIS STUFF IS STUPENDOUS! I made a beautiful picture-perfect low-carb meat loaf — as shown below — that would be good enough for company if we ever had any.

Incidentally, I used the brand new Perfect Meat Loaf Pan I got last week from Wal-Mart. This is truly a brilliant product and I think you should order one immediately if it’s not already on your Christmas list. They throw in a free recipe book but you have to buy your own meat. Click here.

We’re looking forward to a nice, restful holiday weekend here at Howdygram headquarters. Sam has four days off to watch movies, take naps, eat potato salad and buy me things. He even has a whole Kroger pumpkin pie in the fridge JUST FOR HIM with a private can of whipped cream. To tell you the truth, life here would be absolutely perfect if we could figure out what happened to Sam’s favorite jeans! They went missing overnight somewhere in the bowels of Howdygram headquarters — nowhere to be found — so I’ll be running the following ad tomorrow in the Dallas Morning News.

For the record, this is the second time Sam has had a disappearing wardrobe incident. The last time was back in March 2011 (see post) when his favorite black stretchy pants vanished into thin air. After scouring every corner of the house for months WE NEVER FOUND THEM.

Pants don’t just get up and walk out by themselves. Please send an email if you have any suggestions so we can stop wringing our hands. Thank you for reading this.