Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Illiteracy: a proud Dallas tradition.

According to a report released on December 29 by Central Connecticut State University, Dallas ranks 48th in the 2009 National Literate Cities Survey for metropolitan areas with populations of 250,000 or more. Ranking criteria included newspaper circulation, the number of available bookstores, library resources, periodical publishing resources, educational attainment and Internet resources.

The fact that Dallas is the sixth-largest city in the United States but 48th in literacy may be a shock and disappointment to the mayor and city council, but it’s certainly no surprise to ME. In my view there are only four things this city gets excited about: 1) guns; 2) ammo; 3) the Dallas Cowboys; and 4) making sure you can’t find a store that sells beer on Sundays. Bookstores and newspaper circulation are about as important here as cat poop, which explains why Dallas lags behind famously-intellectual cities like St. Louis, New Orleans, Wichita and Tulsa. This probably also explains why George Bush moved here. Thank you for reading this.

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