Welcome to the Big Dud.

“Travel+Leisure” magazine reports that a survey of travelers to the 35 largest cities in the United States ranked Dallas as the 10th rudest city in America. This was a little surprising, to tell you the truth, because Dallas always impressed me as being mighty FRIENDLY. But maybe that’s because it felt like such a huge improvement after living in Los Angeles* — #1 on the rude cities list — for 12 years. Here, for your possible interest, are the top 10:

1. Los Angeles
2. New York City
3. Philadelphia
4. Miami
5. Washington, D.C.
6. Boston
7. Baltimore
8. Las Vegas
9. Orlando
10. Dallas/Fort Worth

And if being voted the 10th rudest city in America isn’t insulting enough, the same visitors rank Dallas’ cocktail hour at #29, says we’re not particularly bright (#28), and we come in next-to-last for people-watching, romance, live music and ethnic food. Apparently the only high point is that we’re slightly prettier than the yahoos in Houston: in the attractive people category, Dallas landed at #21 and Houston at #28. We do get a pat on the back for somewhat decent shopping and barbecue, but I’m not sure that’s much of a consolation because who wants to eat ribs and buy closet organizers with a lot of dumb, snotty, unattractive people. In cowboy hats, no less. Thank you for reading this.

*My apologies to Sam’s relatives, who are all very nice and host swell Hanukkah parties. None of them is rude.