The good, the bad and the ugly.

Howdy, y’all. At the moment Sam is driving around in the morning frost trying to buy me an Egg McMuffin, except he just called to tell me the drive-through at McDonald’s has a backup of at least 30 cars and is an Egg McMuffin really that important after all. The answer, of course, is YES, IT’S IMPORTANT, but NO, you don’t have to wait, and if you come home right now you can take me out for an early lunch instead. Maybe Pei Wei.

And now, for your possible interest, it’s time to review the three new products I tried this month from Schwan’s.

Schwan’s products can sometimes be hit or miss. This month it was like the good, the bad and the ugly, although nothing was really as bad or as ugly as those terrifying little Angus Meat Loaves back in December (see post), which seemed tolerable the first time I tried them but eventually began to freak me out. It had to be the ingredients, which included CORN SYRUP and HYDROGENATED OILS. And they looked like dog poo. I donated them to charity.

But I’m wandering. The best of this month’s trio is Schwan’s Healthy Creations Bars, which are sugar-free, nonfat and REALLY GOOD, and you get two flavors (orange and raspberry) in the SAME BOX, which is truly a technological marvel. Next best is the Micro-Steam Penne Pasta. This might be the most convenient product ever invented ... attractive, frozen pouches of fully-cooked pasta that you blast in the microwave for three minutes. No water, no draining, no nothing! My only gripe is the size of the pouch. Schwan’s says each serves two, which is only true if you’re cooking for a couple of toddlers.

And last but not least, let’s talk about Schwan’s Chicken Egg Rolls, because we’ve definitely got an issue here. These little spooks may LOOK authentic, but the filling is squishy like mashed potatoes and tastes like BLACK PEPPER. On the plus side, however, I’m awestruck by those microscopic little pieces of diced celery and the sweet & sour sauce packets are good.

Just a reminder not to forget the big FOOTBALL GAMES on Sunday. We’ve got the Chicago Bears and the Green Bay Packers at Soldier Field at 2 p.m. (CT) and the New York Jets and the Pittsburgh Steelers at 5:30 (CT). Sam and I are ready for a full day of screaming. I might make homemade pizza, but I’m not promising anything. Thank you for reading this.

GO BEARS!