Tasteless muffins, cheesy movies and chicken things from Schwan’s.

Good afternoon, howdy and shalom! It’s been a hectic and productive day around here. So far my activities have included: 1) a one-hour nap; 2) baking a dozen low-carb blueberry muffins; 3) trying to buy insulin syringes online; and 4) recording a bunch of cheesy horror movies on TCM. In case you’re interested, #1 was excellent, #2 are tasteless, #3 was a waste of time (the best prices are actually in-person at Wal-Mart) and the jury is still out on #4 since the movies in question don’t begin until 8 p.m. tonight, at which time I’ll be watching the presidential debate on MSNBC while folding underwear concurrently.

The aforementioned cheesy movies are:

• The Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933) starring Fay Wray and Glenda Farrell.
• Doctor X (1932) starring Fay Wray and Lee Tracy.
• Mark of the Vampire (1935) starring Lionel Barrymore. 
• House of Dracula (1945) starring Lon Chaney, Jr., and John Carradine.
• Zombies of Mora Tau (1957) starring nobody you ever heard of.
• I Walked with a Zombie (1943) starring Frances Dee and Tom Conway.

I should mention that House of Dracula has a one-star rating and probably stinks.

Breaking news from the animal kingdom! An Einstein in Florida found herself on the local sheriff department’s “top ten most wanted” list after she was photographed riding a wild manatee at Fort De Soto Park on Sunday in the waters north of Gulf Pier. The woman turned herself in to police when she learned that riding a sea cow is considered a second-degree misdemeanor.

The Florida Manatee Sanctuary Act (would I joke about this?) states: “It is unlawful for any person at any time, by any means, or in any manner intentionally or negligently to annoy, molest, harass, or disturb or attempt to molest, harass, or disturb a manatee.” Miss Einstein faces a possible penalty of 60 days in jail and a fine of $500 even though authorities say the manatee didn’t file a complaint about being ridden like a pool toy. It should be noted that wild manatees can grow up to 12 feet in length and weigh about 2,000 pounds. They are also seriously ugly. Holy crap.

It’s 7 p.m. and I need to make some serious decisions about dinner. I’m leaning towards frozen chicken things from Schwan’s so I can try the new sugar-free barbecue sauce that  came yesterday from Netrition.com. Even though these Schwan’s whatnots are basically chicken nuggets on steroids they taste pretty good if you drown them in sauce. I don’t eat mine on buns, though. I don’t have any buns.

Thank you for reading this. Don’t forget to watch the debate, okay?