You know it's going to be a great day when ...

... at 9:15 in the morning Sam announces that he doesn’t feel motivated to do anything except spend the day in bed. Know what? I LIKE THIS MAN’S THINKING. It’s dark, dismal and wet outside with a winter storm on the way later this afternoon. Weather.com is actually talking about a 30-degree temperature drop with a chance of snow overnight. Snow in March? That might be normal for Chicago, but it’s definitely not normal HERE. The average daytime temperature in Dallas at this time of year is supposed to be 75°. So spending the day in bed — with the exception of meals and an occasional trip to the can — sounds like a totally swell idea. Sam’s got my vote.

On another subject altogether, I need a show of hands. Has anybody noticed that toilet paper is shrinking? There’s a roll of Charmin in my guest bathroom right now that’s literally rattling around on the dispenser! So the Howdygram’s official investigative reporter (yours truly) did a little hunting online and uncovered a national conspiracy: during the past year, ALL THE MAJOR TOILET PAPER MANUFACTURERS HAVE COLLUDED TO DOWNSIZE THE WIDTH OF THEIR ROLLS from 4½ to 4 inches. What a sneaky, underhanded thing to do! Nobody lowered the PRICE, mind you ... they just took away half an inch of valuable toilet paper real estate without so much as a how’s-your-mama or have-a-nice-day.

I, for one, am NOT happy about this, and if I can figure out who to complain to I’ll let you know. For now, however, Sam and I are going back to bed. Thank you.