Shopping, crappy pizza and other news.

I forgot to tell y’all something. My new medication — Amitriptyline Hydrochloride — is already doing a fine job relieving the nerve pain in my hands, and I’m mighty damn happy about that. But since Amitriptylene is most commonly prescribed as an anti-depressant, I also get to sit around the house all day like a grinning idiot. They’re HAPPY PILLS!

I highly recommend that YOU take happy pills, too. Ask your doctor if Amitriptylene is right for you!

I’ve been craving Chicago-style deep dish pizza for at least two years and finally decided to order one yesterday from a hole-in-the-wall dive here in Mesquite called Chicago’s Original Pizza. After reading their four-star reviews all over the Internet I ask the guy who answers the phone if his pizza is really as good as genuine Chicago-style, and he says, “Ever had Gino’s East or Giordano’s?” When I say yes, he says, “Ours is even BETTER.” At this point I’m pretty much convinced to give it a shot, so I order a medium deep-dish pizza with Italian sausage for (don’t scream) $26. The photos online are exquisite, and I’m so excited I stand at the living room windows waiting for the driver. When he finally shows up the box weighs a ton and the pizza inside looks exactly like its portrait.

Unfortunately, Chicago’s Original Pizza is INEDIBLE unless you’re fond of greasy doorstops. The crust is like plastic and so tough I can’t even cut it with a serrated knife, the cheese is piled two-inches thick and rubbery enough to retread a couple of steel-belted radials, and the faux pizza sauce is made from Campbell’s tomato soup. I attempted to eat half a slice and couldn’t chew through it; the rest wound up in the garbage.

This experience actually surpassed the previous #1 worst let-down of my life, which happened back in 1964 when my girlfriend Sandi said her dad would take us to the airport to see the Beatles arrive in Chicago. We were so excited we didn’t sleep for days, and then HE DROVE US TO THE WRONG AIRPORT.

To drown my disappointment till it’s time for my next happy pill I decided to do some online shopping. Today’s purchases included half a dozen enormous bottles of Suave Almond & Shea Butter shampoo from Wal-Mart.com, bronze ballet flats from Woman Within and an adorable tobacco-color leather cross-body bag from eBags.com on sale at 25% off.

I’m all set for summer. Bring it on, and thank you for reading this.