Miscellaneous baloney continued.

Howdy. I forgot to include a couple of Schwan’s product reviews with my last post so I thought I’d give everybody a late-afternoon thrill and take care of this NOW.

First, Schwan’s Fire-Baked Pepperoni Pizza is an experience in mediocrity. It might work as a substitute for genuine pizza if you’re stuck at home with a lousy cold and can’t tell how hideously salty this thing is, but anybody with functioning taste buds should avoid it at all costs. Also, there’s not nearly as much pepperoni as you see in the photo — I’d guess less than HALF, actually — and the “fire-baked” crust is just soggy and sad. I’d love to meet the culinary bozo who thought this product would be a hit.

Schwan’s Mozzarella Sticks, on the other hand, are TERRIFIC. I ordered them at the last minute a couple of weeks ago when Sam and I had a craving and I didn’t feel like sending him to Tom Thumb because they’re usually not easy to find in the freezer case. Schwan’s Mozzarella Sticks are superior to anything in the grocery store. The breading tastes better, there’s a perfect amount of cheese inside to make them totally edible and they don’t get oozey in the oven. (Frozen mozzarella sticks from the grocery store are usually so thick it’s like trying to bite a radial tire.)

I think I’ll order in for dinner tonight because I haven’t eaten anything today except a handful of pretzel sticks for breakfast. Thank you for reading this. Send vitamins.