I wish somebody would come over and make me a low-carb chocolate chip loaf cake.

I’m writing this post with a middle-of-the-night fever. Technically, I’m writing it with a keyboard, but I’ve got a middle-of-the-night fever and I feel like TOTAL CRAP. I went to bed at midnight with Sam and woke up three hours later sick. My joints hurt, I’ve got the chills, my head is throbbing and I wish somebody would come over and make me a low-carb chocolate chip loaf cake. I wouldn’t joke about this.

The fever thing, incidentally, is a form of autonomic diabetic neuropathy. For me, it’s usually a hypothermic temperature, such as 95.6°, which feels exactly like 102° except your skin isn’t hot, it’s cold. Welcome to the wonderful world of Diabetesland.

Before I try going back to sleep I’d like to offer my insights into last night’s premier episode of “Project Runway” season 12. I don’t know where they find these lunatic designers, but this season promises to be a doozy. The four dooziest appear below for your possible interest.

1. Sandro is an extremely loud and opinionated Russian (is that an oxymoron?) with no taste whatsoever. Try to picture Boris Yeltsin designing clothes for the Mafia.
2. Miranda spent eight years in the military obeying orders but refuses to follow instructions on “Project Runway.” She makes up her own rules for the first challenge and practically gets eliminated. I dislike Miranda’s face and teeth.
3. I’m not crazy about, Helen either. 
4. Worse than ALL of them, however, is Timothy, a self-appointed sustainable fabric artist (WTF?) whose clothes are made from trash, crap and leftovers. Timothy’s motto: “We have to save the forest to keep the unicorns alive.”

Timothy expands this sustainability horseshit to the point of absurdity. He refuses to use electricity, which means he won’t touch a sewing machine or allow the L’Oreal stylists to use a blow dryer or curling iron on his model’s hair for runway shows. He also won’t let her wear shoes, makeup or hair products of any kind ... yet HE shows up in four-inch gold pumps and apparently has no problem working in a building with overhead lights and elevators. The judges think he’s full of crap and rip him a new one. That was my favorite part.

The Tylenol is kicking in so I should probably go back to bed now. Nice of you to drop in.