Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy Fourth of July. Let’s eat things.

Ah, Independence Day! I hope you’ve had a good one, filled with lots of burned meat, an abundance of alcohol and a sky full of exploding sparkly things. GOD BLESS AMERICA!
So far today Sam and I have taken consecutive extended naps, eaten a variety of leftovers and watched a thoroughly atrocious movie about the American Revolution, The Howards of Virginia (1940) starring Cary Grant with a ponytail and Martha Scott. No kidding, people ... a crappy Cary Grant movie! Between his inexplicably bizarre theatrics — was he on crack? and painfully pathetic American accent, the film was irritating, unbelievable and essentially unwatchable. Apparently Cary hated his performance as much as I did because he swore he’d never do another “costume drama” as long as he lived. Pictured below are Cary with Martha Scott and Sir Cedric Hardwicke. Others in the cast were not worth mentioning in any way whatsoever. Thank you.
In local news, Dale Irby, an elementary school P.E. teacher in Richardson, Texas, retired a few months ago after 40 years on the job. And apparently wacky Mr. Irby purposely wore the same outfit every year on faculty picture-day, resulting in the following montage:
I think this is hilarious. I really do. And I’d be interested to know who manufactures that shirt and vest because nothing I own has ever lasted forty years!

Warning ... the following paragraph is ADULTS ONLY, so please ask your impressionable children to go eat a bowl of Lucky Charms or play outside for a few minutes, okay?

There’s a breaking news story tonight about Cirilo Castillo, pictured at right, a dude from Hidalgo County, Texas, who’s been arrested twice in three months for HAVING SEX WITH THE SAME HORSE. This time he was caught on closed-circuit video (holy crap) enjoying an intimate moment with Nadia in her corral. Castillo is obviously so obsessed with Nadia that he decided to go back for a second visit after being released from jail. Won’t this jerk ever learn that neigh means neigh? For the record, he was charged with cruelty to animals because Texas doesn’t have a law against bestiality. I know this to be true, or else Rick Perry’s wife would have been arrested decades ago for marrying a JACKASS.

And now it’s time to eat a lot of food and watch The Music Man (1962) starring Robert Preston and Shirley Jones. Thanks for stopping by.

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