Friday, August 30, 2013

Happy Braunschweiger Day!

Ah, Labor Day weekend ... at last. A chance to hang out with Sam, enjoy an unnatural number of naps and go places to eat things. Don’t you just love holidays?

For those of you who might possibly give a crap, my latest Internet shopping acquisitions include 100 very cheap FreeStyle Lite diabetes test strips from eBay, three little cans of Libby’s corned beef from the bowels of Wal-Mart and last but not least, a DVD of Noah’s Ark (1999) starring John Voight and Mary Steenburgen, which is certifiably the worst film in the history of EVER, and that definitely covers a lot of territory. Of course, the movie’s overall shittiness also makes it unintentionally hilarious, such as the ark being attacked by pirates riding water bicycles, one of Noah’s sons conversing with an orange for the better part of an hour and the voice of God sounding remarkably like George Burns doing stand-up in the Catskills. You can buy this little-seen gem on Amazon CHEAP. (I got mine for $3.67 and it’s worth every penny.)
Mark your calendar. Today was BRAUNSCHWEIGER DAY at Howdygram headquarters! Sam bought me a large slab of the aforementioned tasty mystery meat at the supermarket this morning, which immediately triggered a braunschweiger feast for lunch — on low-carb toast with mayo and sugar-free sweet relish — and a repeat performance tonight for dinner.
Dinner was accompanied by a mug of instant low-carb cream of mushroom soup, a new product that arrived a few days ago from This turned out to be one of those unfortunate investments — ten bucks for eight single-serving packets — since the overall flavor profile resembled salty vomit with teeny rock-hard shards of floating fungus. But hey, if anybody wants to purchase the remaining seven packets at our LABOR DAY CLEARANCE PRICE, please let me know as soon as possible. Thank you very much.

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