When Sam comes home I want to play with his feet.

In this post: Missing Sam, spy thrillers, leftovers.

Holy crap. It’s 6 p.m. on Sunday and I’m bored to death. Sam has been downtown at work since before breakfast (he left when I was still asleep) and probably won’t be home until sun-up on Monday. I have no idea how he does this, but I know it can’t be healthy not to go to bed for 24 hours and exist on a diet of trail mix and leftover pizza. I miss him. When he finally comes home I want to play with his feet, although I’m sure he’ll kill me for saying this. To amuse myself in the meantime I’m watching movies and thinking about things I can eat.

This afternoon I watched The Man Who Never Was (1956), a fantastic World War II spy thriller starring Clifton Webb. This is the true story of a diabolical plan by British intelligence — nicknamed “Mincemeat” — to rig a dead body with phony secret military papers containing a fake location for an Allied invasion and let it wash up on shore in Greece for the Nazis to find. The damn thing actually worked, but there were lots of gut-wrenching twists along the way.

Others in the cast include Gloria Grahame, Stephen Boyd and Josephine Griffin. Boyd doesn’t actually dress up in his Roman soldier outfit from Ben-Hur (see below) because in this movie he’s a Nazi agent sent to England to find out if that dead body is bogus or not. Josephine Griffin plays Clifton Webb’s secretary, Pam, and Gloria Grahame is Pam’s girlfriend, Lucy. Nobody is having any sex whatsoever. Got that?

Tonight for dinner I plan to consume a large quantity of leftovers, owing to the tub of homemade chicken soup with Marcy’s Low-Carb Mock Matzo Balls that’s jammed onto the middle shelf of the refrigerator. And there’s no time like the present to get started because it’s getting late, I’ve already injected insulin and I’m not getting any younger. Thank you.