You may be amused to learn that the HORRIBLE SUNDAY ICEPOCALYPSE forecast for Dallas by the lying sacks of poo at Weather.com didn’t materialize today after all. Sure, the temperature dropped, but the ice and sleet are nowhere near us and we really didn’t get any measurable rain, either. As usual, just a great big pile of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. (Thanks, Obama.)
Hey there, non-sports fans, I’ve assembled a list of entertaining things to do on Super Bowl Sunday in case you don’t give a crap about football! For me, these activities include:
- Consuming a large quantity of Don Miguel Teeny Chicken Tacos for breakfast. With hot sauce.
- Refilling my pill sorter.
- Sleeping through at least three of the following Philo Vance mystery movies: The Bishop Murder Case (1930) starring Basil Rathbone; The Kennel Murder Case (1932) starring William Powell; The Dragon Murder Case (1934) starring Warren William; The Casino Murder Case (1935) starring Paul Lukas; and The Garden Murder Case (1936) starring Edmund Lowe.
- Watching “Downton Abbey.”
- Injecting extra insulin and ordering a pizza.
- Folding socks.
- Filing my toenails.
- Calling Citibank to find out who the hell hacked our Mastercard. (This actually happened.)
- I can’t think of anything else.
Thank you for paying attention to all this baloney. I need to eat things now.