What kind of loser hangs out at a laundromat selling black-market detergent by the cup?

I’ve got breaking news from Diabetesland! I had a regular checkup yesterday morning with Dr. M, and her staff just emailed my lab results. Holy crap, people … I ROCKED IT. Here they are in a nutshell and why each of these results is a very big deal.

• All my kidney results are stable. This is good news because some of the numbers had shown a decline in earlier lab tests. 
• Glorioski! My hemoglobin A1C — the “holy grail” blood test for diabetics — is finally down to 6%, a number that refers to the percentage of glucose in the blood. I worked my ass off to achieve this, counting every carb I put in my mouth and logging my blood sugar numbers four times a day. Six months ago my A1C was 10% and knew I had to do a lot better than that if I expected to live a long and happy life (with an occasional order of Mongolian chicken).
• My average blood glucose is 114, which includes an average of readings before and after meals. A very big deal indeed. 
• My cholesterol is 114 and my triglycerides are 105. These numbers are in direct correlation to the wonderful low-carb products I’ve been buying from Netrition.com, since most are loaded with dietary fiber. (When you eat 90 grams of fiber a day your cholesterol drops like a rock.)

As a bonus my blood pressure was 120/70, I lost 11 pounds and I got the best parking spot in the lot right outside the front door of the clinic. It doesn’t get much better than this! The map below indicates: A) Howdygram headquarters; and B) Dr. M’s office at Baylor Family Health Center. This is genuinely as close as it appears. You could probably just put the car in neutral and coast.

I saw a strange article on ABC’s news website earlier today. It’s a story about a huge national organized shoplifting ring that’s stealing TIDE LAUNDRY DETERGENT. Apparently it’s so serious that retailers and supermarkets are keeping their Tide under lock and key and have even hired SECURITY GUARDS to protect the detergent aisle from thieves. The shoplifters are stealing thousands of dollars worth of Tide — by the cartload — and driving off before they’re apprehended. Police say Tide has become “liquid gold” on the streets and it’s being peddled at inner-city laundromats by the cup.

I guess there’s no level that’s too low for pond scum! What kind of loser hangs out at a laundromat selling black-market cupfuls of DETERGENT? Did these Einsteins ever consider earning a legitimate income? You know, one that doesn’t involve stealing shit from somebody else? Check out this video.



And now it’s time once again to think about dinner. After I make myself a CarbQuik Easy Cheesecake for my late-night snacking pleasure I’ve got a nice big container of leftover Five-Minute Stupid Soup waiting for me. Soup is an excellent idea tonight because I’m really COLD. Frozen, actually. My fingers feel like icicles.

Thank you for reading this.