If I were you, I’d sleep with one eye open tonight.

You know how it is. Some Saturdays are better than others. For Sam and me, though, today was PERFECT. We slept like a couple of rocks last night, woke up early and drove to the other end of town for dim sum at Hong Kong Royal, which included lots of hot sauce, nice waitresses and unlimited napkins. This was so much fun I almost couldn’t stand it.

Our perfect Saturday didn’t end here, however. When we got home we watched two deliciously shitty movies, Irwin Allen’s Five Weeks in a Balloon (1962) starring a typical gang a 1960s actors looking for a fast paycheck, and The Blob (1958) starring Steve McQueen, Helen Crump and a wad of homicidal caramel. We’ll discuss Five Weeks in a Balloon first.

It’s amazing how thoroughly Irwin Allen can destroy a story with possibilities, this time a 19th century Jules Verne classic about a bunch of Brits ballooning over Africa. The characters are all cartoonish — especially Peter Lorre as a fake Arab with crappy sprayed-on makeup and Billy Gilbert doing his old-time radio sneezing shtick — and the females are always helpless, half-dressed and “in distress.” And we definitely didn’t need Fabian singing the title song three times with an accordion.

And now The Blob, a late 1950s sci-fi flop that introduced the world to Steve McQueen. Steve was almost 30 when he made this film but was cast as a teenager alongside deadpan Aneta Corsaut (whose next big break was Helen Crump in “The Andy Griffith Show”) and an amorphous mass of oozing caramel trying to take over their town. They finally manage to get the man-eating caramel under control by freezing it with fire extinguishers, then asking the U.S. government to haul it by air to the Arctic circle to keep it frozen forever.

Unfortunately, people, global warming may do the unthinkable. If I were you, I’d sleep with one eye open tonight.

Here’s a little something from our Fun with Beverages department! For those of you with a little too much time on your hands the Howdygram is pleased to include the following educational video courtesy of Foodbeast.com. I actually want to try this.

Two more things to cap off my perfect Saturday. First, MORE NEW FONTS! I totally love some of these, particularly Avalanche, Cocktail Script, Emblem Chief and all those cool ampersands.

Second, I think I’ll head back to the family room now with Sam to watch Key Largo (1948) starring Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall accompanied by chocolate soy milk and a bowl of green olives. (The soy milk and olives are mine. Poor Sam is not a gourmet.)