It won’t be today and it won’t be tomorrow, either. It’s also not looking so good for Wednesday.

In this post: Medical necessities, Zimmerman in the news, a Putz of the Week, Jesus had B.O.

Three big things on a Monday afternoon.

BIG THING #1. I had my routine quarterly appointment this morning with Dr. M. Everything was good except she’s trying to talk me into a “chemical stress test” (done with an I.V. rather than a treadmill) because I have a pile of mobility issues and also because I’m at-risk for heart disease due to diabetes, high blood pressure and weight. At the moment my head is still stuck comfortably in the sand so I told her I’d think about it.

BIG THING #2. An hour after I got home the lab called to tell me I should come back to have one more tube of blood drawn because they forgot. I told them good luck with that. It won’t be today and it won’t be tomorrow, either. It’s also not looking so good for Wednesday.

BIG THING #3. I’m hungry.

Here’s a hot, late-breaking story from our Neighborhood Watch Dickheads in the News department ... badass George Zimmerman was arrested today in Orlando, Florida, for pointing a loaded shotgun at pregnant girlfriend Samantha Shiebe, shoving her out the front door of her own house and then barricading the door against police after she called 911. Zimmerman’s been charged with a felony and two misdemeanors and is being held without bail. The bigger issue is, holy crap and ewww ... SAMANTHA SHIEBE HAD SEX WITH GEORGE ZIMMERMAN?

And now I’d like to share another Putz of the Week. This time the Howdygram is recognizing retired Lt. General Jerry Boykin, who currently serves as executive vice president of the right-wing Family Research Council. Speaking to a crowd at William Jessup University earlier today, Boykin was clearly upset Jesus has been “feminized” because the Son of God was actually a “man’s man” who “smelled bad” and had “big, bulging biceps, big ole veins popping out of his arms.” I wouldn’t be surprised if Boykin also believes Jesus had an AK-47 because of the Second Amendment.

Before I forget — and because I know you’re desperately interested — I ordered the following professional-quality wire colander on Saturday from Amazon. It’s attractive, measures nine inches in diameter, has high-quality silicone things on the handles and only cost eight bucks. EIGHT BUCKS! Sadly, mushrooms are not included.

I just realized it’s been way too long since I showed off any new fonts, so please check ’em out below. Believe it or not, I’ve actually cut back on font acquisition activities in recent months due to problems with corrupt files and a couple of system crashes that required way too much time to fix. Also because I already have enough fonts to choke a herd of horses.

I have to go now. Thank you for reading this, okay?