Holy crap, Fred. Keep it zipped.

Happy Thursday, y’all, and welcome to Howdygramland! Sam is on his way to Tom Thumb to buy a few household essentials — horseradish and canned seltzer — so I’ve decided to annoy you with a post while I wait for him to get home.

We’re having typical triple-digit Dallas summer weather this week, which means it’s way too hot to do anything except make lemonade and watch a bunch of old movies. I’ve been enjoying the following titles that I recorded Tuesday on TCM:

• But the Flesh Is Weak (1932) with C. Aubrey Smith and Robert Montgomery as father-and-son gigolos. (Seriously.)
• Untamed (1929) with Joan Crawford as a creepy, uncontrollable tramp named “Bingo” from the South Seas.
• The Easiest Way (1931), a pre-Code treasure with Adolph Menjou, Robert Montgomery and Constance Bennett. Constance plays a floozie from the slums.
• No Time for Love (1943) with Claudette Colbert and Fred MacMurray. Fred is so buff I almost had a heart attack. (Okay, maybe just mild chest pains. But he looked amazing.)
• Our Modern Maidens (1929), a silent film with Joan Crawford and Douglas Fairbanks, Jr.
• They Learned About Women (1930), a strange but touching story about best friends falling for the same girl, starring Bessie Love and the vaudeville team of Van & Schenck.

Corresponding photos of these films appear below for your possible interest. I also watched a good whodunit called Solitaire Man (1933) with Herbert Marshall but couldn’t find any images to include here.

There’s a breaking news story today. Actor Fred “Einstein” Willard, 72, has been arrested for engaging in a lewd act all by himself — I assume no additional hints will be necessary — at the X-rated Tiki Theater in Hollywood. In case you’re unfamiliar with this screwy dude, he’s best known for his roles in Christopher Guest’s mockumentary comedies Waiting for Guffman, Best in Show and A Mighty Wind and is currently the host of a comedy talk show on ABC called “Trust Us With Your Life.” Ironically, Fred has just been hired to star in a romantic comedy set in Ireland called “The Yank.” I’m sure the producers were hoping for a classier public relations stunt. I’m just saying.

This is the 21st century, people, with a never-ending supply of free porn available 24/7 on the Internet. I can’t figure out why anybody would still go to an X-rated theater. I also can’t figure out why anybody would still OWN an X-rated theater. Holy crap, Fred. Keep it zipped.

Thank you for reading this.