I’ve got so much gefilte fish I’m hyperventilating.

I love Fridays. It’s always been my favorite day of the week even though I haven’t been in school since 1972 or held a real job for more than a decade. Today’s exciting Friday activities included: 1) sleeping until 10:30 (really!); 2) making Schwan’s mozzarella sticks for lunch; and 3) attempting to watch Julia Misbehaves (1948) starring Greer Garson and Walter Pidgeon while a bunch severe thunderstorm warnings bleeped across the TV screen. In case you’re interested, the storms missed Mesquite and I’ll have to run the movie again because the storm alerts screwed up most of it.

I also received a huge carton from Amazon this afternoon that contained EIGHT GIGANTIC JARS OF MRS. ADLER’S GEFILTE FISH. I wasn’t expecting this until Monday and got so excited I almost hyperventilated. God bless gefilte fish.

And now for the news you’ve all been waiting for ... a recap of last night’s “Project Runway” premier! It should come as no surprise whatsoever that more than half the contestants competing in season 10 are gayer than gay, and this includes a surly lesbian named Alicia who designs butch overalls, menswear styles and work boots for other lesbians. Definitely a “Project Runway” first. A few of last night’s stand-outs appear below.

Andrea is almost 60 years old and thinks hoop skirts and Birkenstocks are the “look of the future.” (Maybe in Civil War nursing homes.) Alicia is pictured above wearing her version of “haute lesbian chic.”

Christopher and Gunnar (see below) are this season’s token princesses, a pair of silly, snotty, jealous, excruciatingly non-straight twits who act like 12-year-old girls. They actually look alike (except Gunnar dyes the front of his hair blonde) and at times it’s almost impossible to watch them. They started fighting with each other less than 15 minutes into the first episode. “You are SO MEAN!” “No, YOU are!” “Nuh-uh, YOU are!” (You get my drift.)

And then there’s a Martian named Kooan who wants us to believe he’s from Japan. Kooan perms his hair in a 1970s afro, has six front teeth all pointing in different directions and dresses in clothes that look like they came from a dumpster behind Good Will. He bowed every five minutes in the first episode and his glasses fell off his face every single time.

Pictured below is the outfit Kooan designed for last night’s runway competition, a childish, hideous romper with pink plastic shoulder straps that reminds me of My-Pretty-Pony-Meets-Hello-Kitty. The judges didn’t eliminate him because another designer was actually worse than this (seriously) but they warned him to stop acting like such a clown.

It’s almost 8 p.m. and I think I’ll take a nice shower and eat gefilte fish and cactus pears for dinner. I’m pretty sure that Sam and I have no real plans for the weekend since it’s supposed to be pretty damn HOT around here. Personally, I’d be happy just hanging out in the family room watching the British Open. Please send an email if you’d like to come over. I’ll make onion rings.

Thank you for reading this.