Will somebody please tell Rowdy Gaines and Dan Hicks to shut the hell up.

For the first time in nearly 61 years I’ve got a useless car in the garage with a flat tire. As luck would have it, this is also THE EXACT SAME DAY I’m in need of an emergency haircut and feel like driving over to Five Guys for a hot dog. I also wouldn’t mind going for a ride. Click here to email a new tire immediately so I can get the hell out of here for a couple of hours. I don’t know for sure what size tire my Hyundai needs but it doesn’t really matter since I only plan to drive around for a short time. Thank you in advance.

There’s a lot of whining online about NBC’s crappy TV coverage of the London Olympics and so far I find myself agreeing with just about ALL of it. For instance:

• NBC’s pathetic four-hour prime-time recap assumes everybody already knows who won and lost the day’s events because Bob Costas, sports’ teeny little Botox poster child, finds it necessary to begin with half a dozen spoilers, i.e., “Coming up … Missy Franklin wins gold!” Thanks a lot, Einstein.
• NBC announcers described women gymnasts as “emotional divas” and the men as “determined and passionate.” Obviously they missed gymnast John Orozco’s reaction when the U.S. men finished fifth. (He was CRYING.)

• Will somebody please tell Rowdy Gaines and Dan Hicks — NBC’s chatterbox swimming experts — to SHUT THE HELL UP. I’m so sick of their horseshit “filler” information that I’m ready to blow my brains out. I seriously do not need to know that Missy Franklin got started in the pool at a Mommy & Me play date when she was 14 months old. 
• Marta Karolyi is not God and it would be nice if somebody informed NBC.

• I’m pissed off that NBC doesn’t display the gymnastics scores of other teams when you can obviously hear the crowds screaming and cheering in the background. What the hell?
• NBC paid $4.3 billion for the rights to broadcast all Olympics coverage through 2020. I think I might throw up.

And now it’s time to bring in today’s UPS deliveries from the front doorstep and throw together something wonderful for dinner, such as a bowl of gefilte fish or the leftover mozzarella sticks that Sam didn’t eat for lunch. Thank you for reading this!