Sam is so damn cute I could eat him up.

There’s a humongous storm system moving in as I write this post. Defying both logic and mother nature, this one’s actually traveling from northeast to southwest — right to left — and Sam is outside witnessing the big hoo-hah first-hand. He was actually sitting on the curb until it started raining; now I think he’s just standing in the garage. (Sam is so damn cute I could eat him up.) Incidentally, the red star on the map below indicates Howdygram headquarters in Mesquite. If you zoom in, I’m the happy senior citizen in a pink robe with a glass of lemonade. If you got here a few minutes earlier I also had a little bag of Cheetos. Better luck next time.

In addition to the aforementioned wrong-way thunderstorms, this has been a mighty weird day for me in other respects, too. I woke up at 8:45, made a big juicy omelette around 10 that I shared with Sam, and then at 11:15 I started feeling weak, crawled back into bed and slept until 2:45. I don’t know what the hell hit me. At the moment I’m feeling just fine but hungry with a serious craving for one of the following: 1) a Five Guys hamburger with relish and onions; 2) pad thai; or 3) sugar-free lemon meringue pie from the Choctaw Casino buffet. Since it’s not likely that I’ll score any of these within the next two or three hours I might just open a can of Loma Linda fake meat and move on with my life.

On the odd chance that you’ve never read any of my earlier Howdygram posts, Loma Linda makes very tasty vegetarian and vegan food products that pretend to be real meat, such as faux Swiss Stakes, Fried Chik’n, Choplets (pork), Linketts (teeny hotdogs), Saucetts (sausages) and Skallops, which I’m told taste nothing whatsoever like their namesake but pass for chicken nuggets if you’re stoned. You can purchase the entire line of Loma Linda products from Amazon. Tell them Marcy sent you, okay?

I think I’ll watch a movie now. Thank you for reading this.