New this year: chocolate-covered bread with sea salt, whipped cream and potato chips. Seriously.

I can’t sleep (again) so I thought I’d waste some time thinking and writing about food I know I’ll never be able to eat. The following photos — courtesy of the 2012 Orange County Fair in California — probably fall into the category of “food porn.”

Never to be outdone, the 2012 Texas State Fair is still two months away but organizers are already advertising their list of cardiovascular monstrosities. On this year’s menu are the following new concoctions:

• Deep-Fried Biscuits and Gravy. A flaky biscuit filled with gravy is dunked in batter and deep-fried. It’s the breakfast of champions, y’all. 
• Heavenly Deep Fried Brownie. A bite-sized brownie battered and deep-fried, dusted with powdered sugar and served with chocolate-cherry syrup. Ooh!
• Fried Batter-Dipped Tamales. A new twist on a Mexican favorite with twice the fat and cholesterol. No thanks. 
• Deep-Fried Southern Hospitality. Seasoned pork, collard greens, and corn bread shaped into a cone and deep-fried. Served on a stick. No thanks FOR SURE.
• Double Fried Chicken Breast Taco. Breaded home-style chicken breast wrapped and refried in a flour tortilla. Served hot with cream gravy or jalapeño ranch dressing. Meh.
• Praline Sweet Potato Poppers. Mashed sweet potatoes blended with a mixture of butter, brown sugar, brandy, chopped pecans, ginger and marshmallows. Dipped in sweet batter, deep-fried and doused with powdered sugar. Holy crap.
• Fernie’s Deep-Fried “Whole Lotta Chocolatta.” Two slices of Italian bread stuffed with dark chocolate, dipped in egg wash, coated with bread crumbs and deep-fried. Served with a side of potato chips, sprinkled with sea salt and drizzled with a hard white and milk chocolate shell. Topped with milk chocolate whipped cream. (If 21, served with a glass of chocolate wine.) I’ve got a problem with the concept here. Is this actually chocolate-covered bread with sea salt, whipped cream and potato chips? And what the hell is chocolate wine?
• Fried Pecan Caramel Candy. Caramel squares dipped in chocolate batter and deep-fried. Topped with pecan caramel sauce. Sam would eat this.
• Deep-Fried Chicken Skin. Available mild or hot & spicy. Seasoned, battered and deep-fried until crisp. Holy crap again.
• Deep-Fried Cake Balls. A crumbled cake ball blended with chocolate or vanilla frosting, dipped in batter and fried. Topped with whipped cream, powdered sugar and chocolate syrup.
 Somebody please call 911.
• Fried Loaded Baked Potato. A Texas version of loaded baked potatoes in one crunchy bite. Includes bacon, cheese, green onions, sour cream and butter. Rolled, battered, deep-fried and drizzled with brown gravy. Gravy? We don’t need no stinkin’ gravy.

I think I just gained 15 pounds. Maybe I’d better try going back to bed now.