Two things.

Thing Number One.
Trust me, I’m not schizophrenic, but we’re all set up again for AT&T U-Verse installation on March 18. My AT&T sales rep called this morning to find out why his favorite customer [me] called to cancel everything yesterday afternoon (see post) so I told him I found out that my credit card terminal and fax won’t be compatible with a fiber optic phone line. Jeff had the perfect solution ... we can upgrade only ONE of our home phones to fiber optics and leave the other as a traditional landline! I told him I didn’t know this was a possibility since nobody suggested it when I called yesterday to cancel, but what the hell ... Jeff saved the day, everybody’s deliriously happy, AT&T loves me again and we’re one step closer to a bazillion TV channels and Internet service that’s twice as fast as Time-Warner! I’m so excited I could pee. (Okay, maybe not.)

The “U450” TV package with more than 370 channels is a couch potato’s dream. It includes all the Starz channels, all the Encore Channels, Turner Classic Movies, every premium movie channel (HBO, Cinemax, Showtime, Sony, Fox, MGM, The Movie Channel), every imaginable sports channel, the Knitting Network and — thank God — high-definition HSN and Saigon Broadcasting. Seriously, I start shaking every time I think about it. The only glitch will be learning all those new channel numbers (after four years with Time-Warner I’ve got my favorites memorized) and how to use a new remote. Sam, always an optimist, is positive we’re up to the challenge.

Thing Number Two.
I don’t know if you saw this news story yesterday or not, but the Monkees are getting ready to launch their 45th anniversary reunion tour.

The band currently includes (from left to right) Peter Tork (age 70), Micky Dolenz (65) and Davy Jones (65) from the original TV series in the mid-1960s. What a gruesome crew. They look like dressed-up refugees from an assisted-living facility. Former Monkee Michael Nesmith (not pictured), who became a billionaire inventing music videos, MTV and pay-per-view television, obviously doesn’t need the paycheck. This is a unfortunate because he’s the only one who actually looks terrific now. (Money can do that for you.)

Thank you for reading this.