Batting zero.

Wal-Mart strikes out. FedEx delivered my big order of body wash yesterday — 12 bottles! — and there was a plastic bag enclosed full of very cool product samples. I definitely love free samples, but there’s not even ONE that I can use here. The bag included:

Always Thin Mini Pads. I had a hysterectomy in 1990.

John Frieda Full Repair Conditioner for Overworked Hair. My hair is one inch long.

Fekkai Shea Butter Moisturizing Conditioner for Unruly Long Hair. See previous response.

Cosmedicine Oil Control Lotion. My skin is as dry as the Mojave Desert.

Garnier Fructis Anti-Dandruff Shampoo. I do not have dandruff, I have never had dandruff, I don’t plan to have dandruff and I don’t know anybody who has dandruff.

And so, in an effort to re-gift this collection of lovely and essential personal care products I am making them available to the first Howdygram reader who shows the slightest interest. Click here to send me an email and I’ll let you know who wins by the end of the day. Thank you for reading this.