Reality TV at its finest.

I suppose I should apologize for this, but I’ve been a big fan of Britain’s royal family for almost 50 years. I know their history and lineage, their scandals, crazy titles, wacky hats and the names of all their kids. But for the greatest show on earth, set your alarm clock EARLY on April 29 to watch William and Kate get hitched.

Every network on the planet will televise the royals’ wedding with the possible exception of ESPN and the Knitting Channel. Most coverage begins at 3 a.m. (central time) with a lot of preliminary blabber; substantial events get underway closer to 4.

For the record, I plan to watch ... just as I got up in the middle of the night to see Charles and Diana’s wedding live back in 1981. I was living in Chicago at the time, and my girlfriend Sue from across the hall came over in her robe at 3 a.m. to sit on the floor with me and drink coffee. If for no other reason, tune in to see the HATS. God, I love hats!

In case you’re wondering why I’m up at this hour, I just spent half the night dealing with side effects from the latest addition to my list of prescription meds, Metanx. As it turns out, Metanx is what actually caused Tuesday’s — and tonight’s — “intestinal tsunami” as well as a thoroughly lousy rash that’s driving me out of my mind. I even had to send Sam to the pharmacy in the middle of the night to get me some relief. (This is one of the countless reasons why I love him to pieces.)

In other news, Sam is taking me to the rheumatologist this morning at 9. I have no idea what a rheumatologist might be able to do for me, but pain management is at the top of my short list. In the meantime I think I’ll go back to bed for a couple of hours so I won’t look like a raccoon. Thank you for reading this and don’t forget to enter our BIG SPRING GIVEAWAY.