Enjoying the finer things in life.

Our new AT&T U-Verse service is offering a lot more than we ever expected. For instance, we can view Woody Allen reruns and one-star Jennifer Lopez movies on 43 different channels, enjoy World Series highlights from the 1980s, middle-school soccer and high school cheerleading competitions from all 50 states, and watch so many consecutive episodes of “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives” (see photo) on the Food Network that your arteries implode.

And just when I thought life couldn’t get better, yesterday I discovered The Barbie Channel ... Mattel’s Pepto-Bismol-pink nightmare for pre-teen white girls featuring idiotic crap about shopping, hair bows and unicorns. Sam and I were scared to death.

I’ve discovered the best way EVER to stock up on detergent and fabric softener ... shop at Amazon.com! I just ordered Tide Liquid Clean Breeze Scent with Actilift, four 64-load bottles, for only $39.60, and Ultra Downy Simple Pleasures Lavender Serenity Liquid, four 105-load bottles, for $49.60. These are excellent prices with the added bonus of FREE SHIPPING and NO SALES TAX. Figuring I average about four loads of laundry every week, this will be enough Tide and Downy to last way more than a year and I won’t have to send Sam to the store any more with detailed instructions and product photos.

I’m so excited I could do a happy dance except I’d probably trip over my cane. So I’ll just pile a shelf in the garage with my high-quality laundry supplies and NEVER RUN OUT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

One final thought. In the mail today I received a $28.76 check from Baylor Health Care System for an “overpayment.” This would have to be nearly IMPOSSIBLE because Blue Cross covers all of my Baylor expenses except for a co-pay whenever I see my doctor. Since launching any kind of inquiry is probably pointless, I’ll just cash the silly check and order a lot of Mongolian Chicken. Thank you for reading this.