Confusion reigns.

I wonder what Einstein at AT&T is responsible for their current rewards program. Last week Sam and I received a couple of Visa debit cards (one for $50, the other for $25) as a thankyou from AT&T after we signed up for their top-of-the-line U-Verse package.

As soon as the cards come in the mail I call AT&T’s rewards hotline to activate them. The word “DEBIT” is printed clearly on the front of each card and a removable sticker tells me that my PIN is the same as the last four digits of my U-Verse account number. So we should be good to go, right? Not on your life.

I give both cards to Sam because he wants to use them to fill our cars with gas. He comes home from the gas station half an hour later and tells me he probably doesn’t know how to use a debit card because it got rejected at the pump. I assure him it’s a no-brainer ... just swipe the card, enter the four-digit PIN and you’re done. A few days later he tries the card at Wal-Mart with the same result. And today (the last straw) the card got rejected at the post office. So I decide I’m through horsing around with this crapola and I’m calling AT&T.

I talk to an AT&T Einstein named Iris and explain that Sam keeps trying to use their miserable debit cards but they’re always getting rejected. She reads the entire rewards program manual OUT LOUD to me and then starts asking questions.

Did I call the correct number to activate the cards? Yes.
Am I positive? Yes.
Do I know my PIN numbers? Yes.
Am I positive? Yes.
Have the cards already expired? I just got them.
Really? Yes.
Is my husband mentally challenged? Not especially.

At this point Iris decides to pass me along to a specialist Einstein in their rewards division who might be able to figure out what’s what. I’m connected to Sandra, who proceeds to explain that — get ready for it — we can’t actually use these debit cards as debit cards even though they say “DEBIT” on the front and come with PIN numbers like real debit cards. These mock debit cards have to be used like CREDIT CARDS, and she’s sorry we were too stupid to figure this out for ourselves. At that point I was angry enough to ram my U-Verse router up her nose except she wasn’t actually in the room with me. I might mail it to her with instructions.

Before I forget, more wild weather could be on the way today. Weather.com says that northeast Texas is on the map for “significant and life-threatening tornadoes,” and a tornado watch has been issued through 10 p.m. tonight. This means I’d better order my Chinese food as soon as possible to avoid the driver getting pelted to smithereens by a hailstorm.

The red star indicates the Howdygram’s location in Mesquite, and if you zoom in you’ll see that I’m the brunette in the blue robe waving on the driveway.

It might be too soon to knock on wood, but so far I’m having NO SIDE EFFECTS from the new pain medication I started taking a few days ago: Amitriptyline Hydrochloride. Even better, I actually think it’s WORKING! If all goes well I’ll be able to double the dose next week. Please excuse me for a minute while I do a happy dance for the pharmacy gods.

Thank you for reading this.