Callista Gingrich scares the crap out of me.

Wednesday is the only day of the week there’s any substantial activity here at Howdygram headquarters. Our landscapers get here at the crack of dawn and mow at 7:30 in the morning (I’m usually asleep and don’t know what’s going on), our biweekly maid service shows up at 9:45 and the Schwan’s delivery dude gets here at 11:30. Today’s bounty included a load of frozen mozzarella sticks, a bag of Krunchie Potato Wedges — how kute! how kreative! — and assorted other whatnots. Afterwards Sam and I drove up to north Dallas to buy some low-carb crapola from Sugarless DeLite because they’re having a 20% off sale and my life wouldn’t be complete without cheap granola and low-carb noodles.

You may (or may not) recall that Sam and I have been busy collecting quart bottles of DaVinci sugar-free syrup for the last several weeks. So far we’ve got Banana, Peach, Raspberry, Lime, Chocolate, Watermelon, Caramel and Egg Nog, and as of 4:40 yesterday afternoon Cherry, Root Beer and Pineapple were on the way.

We use most of these to make gourmet sugar-free sodas — five pumps of syrup, 12 ounces of cold seltzer, six ice cubes — and the Caramel and Egg Nog flavors get squirted into coffee or sugar-free hot chocolate. FYI, DaVinci syrups are liquid like water (not thick like Hershey syrup) with very intense flavors. Sometimes I get so excited I wish I could hook up an I.V. Seriously.

And now for some wonderful news! Newt Gingrich, the delusional narcissist from Georgia, has finally admitted failure in his bid for the GOP’s 2012 presidential nomination.

I’m relieved as hell to know this blowhard is finally off the national stage and sincerely hope this is the last time I’ll have to look at his face in connection with any public office. For the record, I’m not too crazy about his wife, either. You know, the scary one who’s parading around Washington with half a million dollars’ worth of Tiffany jewelry.

And now I think I’m sufficiently ready to hit the sack, having written a long and generally meaningless post with a number of excellent photos. Stay tuned for a medical update later today after my follow-up appointment with Dr. M, okay? Thank you for reading this.