Please don’t throw peanuts during the debates.

I’ve got a lot to say so let’s get started, okay? First and foremost, I’d like to report that we never got any of those “catastrophic” storms the National Weather Service predicted for us this morning (see post). Although I didn’t really want destructive weather — our big tornado outbreak on April 3 was more than enough — we also didn’t get any measurable rain today, either. Less than one-tenth of an inch. This sucks because north Texas is still on stage 3 water restrictions, which means we can only water our lawns twice a month. If we don’t get a little free water from the sky now and then we’ll be screwed.

And now for some breaking international news from Europe! Apparently the crackerjack police of Paris have seized 13 tons of contraband miniature Eiffel Towers. The owner of a Paris souvenir shop, her husband and her son were arrested during the trinket seizure on Friday and accused of selling artificial crap — as opposed to authentic crap — without a permit at their gift shops in the Eiffel Tower and Louvre. The operation was led jointly by the Paris police department and French customs after several months of intense surveillance. I don’t know about you, but all of a sudden I’ve got a visual of Inspector Clousseau hiding in a bush.

Next to beer, guns and pickup trucks a Texan’s favorite pasttime is greasy food, so you’ll surely understand that — according to every news website in town — the city’s number one goal for 2012 has involved researching, eating and acclaiming the Best Burgers in Dallas. And they’ve even published a map to help us find them.

The blue pins indicate the following dining establishments: The Commissary, Elevation Burger, The Grape, Fred’s Texas Cafe, Ketchup Burger Bar, Marquee Grill, Off-Site Kitchen and Wingfield’s. Although Sam and I have never eaten at any of these restaurants, after viewing a 20-page photo gallery on the Dallas Morning News’ website I’m ready to head out the door RIGHT NOW. Are these gorgeous, or what?

Next time you come for a visit Sam and I promise to include one or more of these fine establishments on our “do” list. FYI, the burger on the right weighs 10 ounces without the bacon and bun. Glorioski!

And finally, a recent research study at Aix-Marseille University in France has revealed that baboons are able to distinguish between real and fake words in print about three-out-of-four times, according to the results published in Thursday’s science journal. Four-year-old Dan Baboon, the star of the bunch and equivalent in age to a human teenager, got 80% of the words right and learned 308 four-letter words. That being said, the Howdygram is pleased to announce the Republican party’s 2016 running primates for president in 2016.

Please don’t throw peanuts during the debates and thank you for reading this.